I'd like to take a moment to thank you. I just wrote an epic article that must surely approach the epitome of human expression. It was an article which filled me with an unexpected contentment; a quiet satisfaction. It's an experience I have never had before, and I expect I shall never have again. This article was a masterpiece. I say that with an utter lack of pride, for surely it was channelled from a creative well that did not belong to me, as I certainly could never muster the creative expression necessary to author such poetic ambrosia. I thank you because upon posting this article, my 3G connection dumped me unceremoniously into the bottomless abyss of failed connections of which you are the unchallenged overlords. Alas, in my excitement to share my singular moment of wonder and joy with the world, I momentarily forgot that your network, when outside the 200 yards around the centre of an Australian capital city, turns into a rusty tin can with some fishing line poked through the bottom. Now the world will forever be a slightly darker place, and my one moment of true expressive brilliance is forever lost.
You have ruined me. FOREVER.
P.S. Thanks also for the messages I get three days after they're sent. I've advised everyone to send me old fashioned letters in the future, to assure that information arrives the decade it is relevant.